mac-keyboard-handsTwo years. It has been two years since I have written and posted a blog.  There are so many things I could say to address this void.  I could write about all the things I have done with my time. I could rationalize my reason for NOT writing. I could tell you how busy I’ve been as a mom, a teacher, a coach…I could tell you that I have a new 4-month old baby boy; so naturally, life has been a whirlwind.  BUT…I won’t.  Instead, I just need to write.

I have come to understand the role writing has in my life.  I have stopped insisting there needs to be an adequate purpose or topic to write about.  I have arrived at a more peaceful place, where I realize that I write because it’s a passion of mine. It is not an obligation I have, to those who might read my writing.  But most importantly, I have found my writing freedom.  Writing for me is a release, and my preferred method of expression.

Somewhere along the way, when this blog really started to pick up some traffic, and I had friends and colleagues telling me I should really give writing a go…I lost my voice.  I thought my writing needed to be perfect.  I thought I needed a perfect topic, one that would resonate with my audience.  I thought I needed a perfect title, one that would catch an audience.  I thought I needed the perfect lead, one that would hook my audience.  With these “needs”, writing became a chore, a stress, and an anxiety for me.  All of a sudden, I felt like my writing had to be something an aspiring published writer would produce in their novice years.  I have known for some time that I really just need to write.  It was high-time I get back in the saddle, but I just couldn’t get my leg up in the stirrup.

Writing is cathartic.  When I’m not so busy analyzing what I should write, could write, or ought to write…it’s liberating.  When I’m not generating a dozen questions about what will go into my writing, and what will not… it’s liberating.  When I’m not wondering what my readers will think, how they might comment, or if my post will reach new heights…it’s liberating.

So today, I finally took the leap.  I just need to write.  It’s that simple.  I love the feeling of my fingers hammering away at the keys.  I love how my brain is always ahead of my fingers, and I need to go back to add in the letters and words I omit.  I love the rush and excitement I feel, just knowing that I’m writing and getting my thoughts out in front of my eyes.  The exhilaration that comes over me, as I see the letters race out from behind the cursor.  I’m writing. And it feels good.  I write, because I need to write.

As I look back at a few of my blog posts, even those that are my favourites (Heart and SoulToday marks my fork in the…”Road Not Taken”, and What will I write about today?); I see ways they could have been better.  Better ways to express those thoughts come to mind now, and I smile.  Growth.  I’m okay with these changes I see.  I see the growth in my thinking, and I’m inspired and motivated to write again.  I’m excited. The relief comes over me, as the words leave my head, freeing up the space for new ideas. New writing.

There. I’ve done it. My foot hooked into the stirrup, and I’ve pulled myself up into the saddle. Now it’s time to ride.

I’m a writer again…and I don’t really care if you like it or not…because I’m writing for me.  I need to write.

#ilovetowrite  #writerwannabe  #blogger

Another good read:  The Differences Between Hobby & Professional Writers – See more at: http://jodyhedlund.blogspot.ca/2010/09/differences-between-hobby-professional.html#sthash.RD9wNcZb.dpuf

Advertisements