Writing: Picky, picky, picky

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to writing I am picky, picky, picky. I’m that person who goes to the bookstore to examine and analyze the beautiful stationery. I open the journals, feel the paper, study the lines and their spacing, then sniff the specimen to ensure that I will always long to open the book and fill it with words…maybe. I also find myself negotiating the size of the journal as I consider whether or not my resting hand will be comfortable as it comes to the ridge of journal where the page stack ends.

One time, I bought a smaller notebook so that I could keep it in my purse and carry it around with me so I could pull it out and write whenever the mood struck. Well, that didn’t pan-out for two reasons.

1. It did not increase or improve the frequency of my writing.
2. That small notebook was horrifying since the heel of my hand always felt as though it was plunging off a cliff as my hand came to the edge of the page.

What I’m actually trying to get at here is this…I’m attempting to relax a few of my ‘conditions’ for writing so that I’ll write with fewer ‘hang-ups’ and roadblocks. The current theory I’m going with is if my expectations are more relaxed and open, then I will write more consistently and more confidently. Now, this might sound so mature and enlightening…but really it is this flicker of desparation to just put pen to paper.

I am happy to report that I’ve started to relax these picky conditions for writing. For example, I have actually found a bearable degree of comfort with a 8.5×11 coil-bound notebook from Dollarama that cost me $1.25. There are only about 100 pages in it, but that has actually accomodated the heel of my hand since it no longer feels as thought it is plunging off a cliff as I get to the edge of a page. This notebook has a sufficiently pretty cover and since it’s coil-bound, I can easily pull a page from it without also detaching another connected page from the journal. See? Progress! These relaxed expectations might do the trick after all!

I must also confess that I’m picky, picky, picky about the sort of pen I write with. The pen must be so smooth that it glides aross the page with the same sort of ease that an eloquent figure skater glides across the surface of the ice. I think I wrote an entire blog post about my favourite kind of pen many years ago. Feel free to go back through my blog to find that post, about 7 or 8 years back if you like. LOL. I used to love the Bic Profile ballpoint pen. The width of the end was perfect, the ink was so smooth…no blotting, no scraping, no catching on the paper. Sadly, Bic no longer makes that pen. I had moved on to the Bic Glide or Bic Soft Feel. You see the other thing I have insisted on is using retractable pens. For one, I just find it so satisfying to push on the end to hear the click over and over again. Also, I have a thing about using the clip to secure the pen inside the coil of my journal, or to the cover.

I have more good news! I have kind of relaxed these high pen expectations…but I’m not sure I can stick with it for long. I bought felt-tip pens at Dollarama and I liked them at first because they did allow my hand write with ease and flow…but the scraping is driving me a bit crazy. I have tried a variety of pens, but I may have to just face it. The pen is not negotiable in this process.

Writing on the right-hand panel at all times.

There is one more thing that I have actually developed while experimenting with my journal writing habits and routines. I find I am so much happier when writing on the right-hand panel at all times. You know, the side that always has the fresh pad of paper under you. The side of the notebook that is barely touched and ready for ink. I hadn’t realized to what extent I loathed writing on the backside of a page that has writing on the other side until I stopped writing on the back side. LOL. Now this probably doesn’t seem like me relaxing the conditions for writing, but is in fact escalating them. However, in this case, I’m a happier writer when I get to write on the padded side at all times! So that’s good, right? That means I’ll write more and more often!

Well for now, things are going pretty well. I am in fact journal writing more consistently and feel the joy and accomplishment that goes with it. This morning I made coffee, grabbed my journal, and thought I would go for a walk then sit down at the picnic table to write in my journal at the park. But as I walked through the woods, I was drawn to a long, wide, downed tree with a single ray of sunshine bouncing off the bald tree trunk. In my mind I thought, Hmmmm, maybe I’ll stop

here to write. But I turned to leave since I really did want to get in a walk before I got to writing. However, I stopped again, approached that bald tree trunk, straddled over it and got my things ready. I opened my dollar-twenty-five notebook and pulled the lid off of my cheap pen. I started writing on the right-hand padded side of the notebook…and just kept on writing. And whatta-ya-know? I was so energized by my decision to write in that perfect spot, that when I came home I decided I would also write this post. That’s a pretty good day of writing 😉

Thanks for reading!

Finding the key…

My soul has been vibrating with the need and excitement to write. Sure, I write in a journal, I write things for my literacy work, and I write messages and posts to people expressing things here and there. But, it has been so long since I’ve felt that urge to compose a blog post.

It comes as no surprise to me, that I sit here excited to share a story with you from the most wonderful heartwarming experience I had at work this week. As a Literacy Specialist educator, I really do have THE BEST job in the world. My Monday to Friday, 9 to 5 job is all things related to reading, writing, books, and literacy development. For someone who loves to read…and simply has to write…this is a dream! So here is a heartwarming experience from my week that propelled me to finally sit down and write a new post.

I spent a full morning collaborating with a colleague, planning some meaningful and intentional literacy lessons to meet the needs of all readers in the room. We had put together a great plan and I was looking forward to hearing about how it would play-out in the classroom. I went to sign out and connect with the administrator to do a little catch-up before I head out for the next part of my day. We had a marvelous chat about everything from Premier League Soccer, to NBA basketball, to mutual family passions, and of course literacy development of the students in her building.

At one point about 10 grade 7/8 students crammed into her office so she could explain to these students how they were going to be eligible to win a draw for a fabulous Premier League soccer jersey. I was so in tune with the whole conversation being such a huge soccer fan and passionate player growing up. All of us were chatting, connecting, and invested in planning the best strategy to employ if you really wanted to win this soccer jersey. These teens were going to have to do a little Premier League homework and show their love for the game and their pride in a team.

These are the kinds of moments that can change the game with our students. It’s all about finding connection in those calm, neutral moments so that you’ve got the key to unlocking their struggle in those moments of crisis later. As this group got to talking about soccer, favourite clubs, and best players, they were all-in to this conversation. It was a fluid, active conversation where we were all connecting. I am certain now, that if one of these kiddos goes on to have a not-so-great day in the hours, days, or weeks to come and is sent to the office to chat with this administrator, they will remember the joy in this soccer conversation. They will remember the connection they made here and will be open and ready to talk, diffuse, express, cool down…maybe even heal. Soccer…could be the key to unlocking the struggle on their not-so-great day.

If that wasn’t enough, about 3 minutes after that amazing crew left the office, a little grade 2 treasure walked in. I am going to call him Devon for the purposes of this post. Devon bounced into the office with a huge smile on his face and zipped over to the administrator to get a warm, welcoming hug. I was happy to watch these two chat away about how Devon’s day was going and how he was doing in class today. Devon was having a great day! He was so adorable and full of energy, I couldn’t help but jump into the conversation. I soon learned that Devon was a basketball fanatic! He and the administrator were talking all about it and then she helped me to find out that Devon was a huge Toronto Raptors fan! Music to my ears! Now, I do love to play and coach soccer and volleyball, but I’m not the greatest basketball player. However…I LOVE to watch NBA basketball and I am a huge Raptors fan! So now Devon and I were chatting. We were trying to think of our favourite Raptor player, and really struggled to choose. Devon blurted out, “LeBron James!”

“Wait a minute,” I said to Devon, “He doesn’t play for the Toronto Raptors! But he really is an amazing ball player! Is he your favourite?”

Devon nodded. I grabbed my phone and brought up a few Google images of

Raptors stars to see if Devon could point out his idol. He definitely liked Fred VanVleet. After such a heartwarming conversation, I asked the administrator if she had a copy of “I Promise” here in her office since she had dozens of beautiful picture books on display. We took a look around, but we couldn’t find her copy. So I said, “Well, I think we better head over to the library because I know you are going to love this book, Devon.” He was very curious and vibrating with excitement. We head to the library, rushed to the easy reads, scanned the call numbers…and there it was, E JAM. I pulled on the spine of the book with my index finger, cradled it in my hands, and passed it to Devon.

“Devon,” I said with excitement, “This book is written by the LeBron James.”

“It is?!” he exclaimed.

I turned the book over so he could see the huge image of LeBron James on the back cover. Devon sucked in air and let out, “Wow!” I turned each page and Devon spotted little LeBron on every one. The excitement and presence of Devon in that moment really drew me into our interaction. I was just as thrilled and joyful about our short time together as he was.

Finding the key to the kids and youth in our classrooms and in our schools relies on conversation and connection with them in those times of calm and neutrality. Sometimes, these casual interactions reveal common interests and experiences between the child and the adult. Otherwise, we can either show our interest in learning from them or learning about them. Devon made my day. He made my week. Heck, I’m not sure anything will top that for the month.

The book “I Promise” was that piece of rope in Norman Cousin’s quote. The book only took on meaning for Devon because he loves basketball and idolizes, LeBron James. Devon bounced over to the circulation desk, signed-out the book, and danced his way back to class. He was flying high and it only took about 10-minutes to make a strong connection that we both soon won’t forget.

My time with this administrator and the kids in her building reinforced for me that finding the key to kids is the single most important thing we need to do with our time as educators. Taking the time to connect with the kids during times of joy and neutrality gives you the key to supporting them quickly and effectively should they find themselves in crisis later. Greeting kids in the hallway, interacting out on the yard, and chatting at recess is time well worth spending. Sometimes we have to sacrifice the time we think we should spend on doing our work, which keeps us detached from the connection we could otherwise make with our students. These are challenging times. No doubt about it. There is so much to do in so little time and everyone seems to have less patience and stamina as we grow tired late in this school. If you want to lift your heart and warm your soul, have a little chat with one of your Devon’s. You’ll be so glad you did.

SPECIAL NOTE: Thank you to my friend and mentor, Sue Bruyns for inspiring me to come back here to write. Reading your #APostADayForMay has lightened my writing mind.

The balance you have is within you

Those who know me well know that I do, love my work.

But, loving your work is different than loving TO work.

I have the unique privilege of working every day as a Literacy Specialist educator. I get to travel across my district collaborating with colleagues in planning and programming for their classroom literacy instruction. I also have the honour of working with other Literacy Specialist educators to research, develop, and deliver professional learning to our system. I don’t know what else to tell you other than the fact that I just love learning, creating, adapting, responding, sharing, and reflecting. I am happy to do this day-to-day for whatever time it takes because, for me, this is fulfilling, gratifying, and rewarding and it brings me joy. What is work-life balance? Isn’t work a part of life? If you love what you do, is it work?

Image source: https://isha.sadhguru.org/ca/en/wisdom/article/sadhgurus-quotes-on-work-life-balance

Some people think what they see in me is me loving TO work. But for me, the time spent on my work is simply… loving my work. It can be frustrating for me to listen to people ‘remind’ me, or ‘mentor’ me, or ‘caution’ me on how much time I spend doing my work. And I say “doing my work” intentionally, rather than saying “working” because when I am working above and beyond the workday, it is by choice and I am happy when I’m doing it. Now sure, there are times when the concentration of things to do, or deadlines I’m managing do apply a great deal of pressure and that isn’t fun. But overall, I gravitate towards the process of doing my work, because the reading, creating, planning, and decision making are enjoyable for me. Crazy right?

You see, as an educator, I am forever thinking about how I can best support children and youth. It is hugely gratifying to take the time to be as thoughtful and responsive as I know how to be. The challenge of making decisions about how the teaching and learning of readers and writers might play out; stretches my mind and reaches my soul. I enjoy the complexity of it all and how I can best take what I know about learners, the skills and strategies, the learning environment, and student needs…then help to build a plan.

Maybe what makes this so pleasurable is my subject discipline. I mean…who wouldn’t love to be “burdened” with the demands of reading children’s literature, youth fiction, YA, and the like? Who wouldn’t love to have to come up with fun and creative ways for kids to engage in discussions, or write in response to their imagination, opinions, and ideas? There is nothing about this that is onerous to me.

Like the Sadhgugru quote says above, “The balance has to be within you.” When I grow tired or frustrated, I look to other things that bring me joy. I know when it is time to get lost in the Lego and games of “Spot-It” with my son. I know when it is time to just sit on the couch or the porch to have coffee with my husband. I know when to sit with my teenager to see how things are going. I’m excited when reaching out to learn what my eldest daughter is doing as she’s out there conquering the world in her own amazing way.

I don’t always have balance in terms of the hours and minutes I spend on work versus the hours spent on leisure. My balance comes from within. When my soul is telling me that I need to spend time on something else, that’s my cue.

I am coming off of two very, very intense work weeks that probably took up way too much of my time, day-to-day. And when this happens, I can feel crummy thinking that I should feel bad about that loss of work-life balance…yet I don’t feel crummy. If it was me loving TO work, I would wear my work as a badge-of-honour and I would boast about the hours spent devoted to the job, the employer, and so on. But it’s not at all like that. I love all the things I get to do as part of my work and that is different than loving to work. Trust me.

What I do know about myself is that I engage in personal reflection every single day. I witness life, and gravitate towards things that draw me in, fill my soul, and bring me joy and gratification. Sometimes that is being immersed in aspects of my work…and other times it is spending time doing things that revitalize my soul.

A favourite path of mine close to home in Arva, Ontario.

So on that note, I will go do what I love to do most…and that is head to the forest to spend time with the trees. It is quiet and calm there, and nobody talks to me about how much I’ve been working lately. LOL. This is how I approach my work-life balance. But, you know what? I do love how you approach your work-life balance too, Trust me.

Hey you…LET’S TALK

Every year at this time, I work-up this anxious excitement. It is refreshing and comforting to know that Canadians really are beginning to embrace and normalize the discussions around mental health. I do honestly believe, the annual Bell Let’s Talk Day has a lot to do with this.

Whether confiding in your closest friends, venting with your colleagues, or embracing family members in need; we ARE talking about our mental health a LOT more than we ever have. Aren’t we? And, why not?

I like this quote.

Anything that is human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable is more manageable. As humans, we feel things.

You know, as well as I do, that sometimes we feel things in BIG ways and other times we feel things in small ways. At some points in time…we turn all feelings…off. It’s just easier that way.  And yes, since feelings are a part of being human, they are mentionable, just as Fred Rogers suggests.  You might agree, that when we mention things to one another, we are sharing those things we mention. This exchange, this sharing, helps to take some of the power away from these feelings. And when we do just that, we are able to manage and endure our day a little bit better.

What I love about this quote is how it normalizes and simplifies some of the basic facts about mental health. The fact of the matter is however, there really is nothing SIMPLE…about mental health.  Sometimes the days are streaking by you at mach speed, you are barely able to participant in it. Other days pass by you slowly…slower than a sailboat out on the water with no wind. You are sitting there wondering, how on earth, you might ever get moving forward again.

Fred Rogers reminds us, “When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.”  I dunno, Fred…this one gets a great big, fat…IT DEPENDS from me! There is absolutely nothing “less scary” in talking about feelings.  When those words make their approach, inching towards the tip of our tongue, our body is on FIRE, our skin prickling as though smothered in cacti hairs, and our heart smashing against our chest.  Those words, so vulnerable, so sensitive, so personal are teetering on the brink of being – out….there. And once those feelings are out there, for someone else to hear – for YOU, YOURSELF to hear – that’s it. The weight of the thoughts, in audible in open air, are rock-concert loud in your head.  You hold your breath, peeking with one eyelid open, assessing the impact of your revelation. There is absolutely NOTHING  “less scary”…about that.

But like anything in life, with a little practice, talking about our feelings does get easier.  When we keep talking, our people keep listening. This very delicate exchange empowers you both to…connect.

~Connect~

Thoughts badgering,

Feelings teeming,

Mood spiraling,

Connect.

Memories swirling,

Noise radiating,

Sleep waning,

Connect.

Expectations soaring,

Work demanding,

People judging,

Connect…

Begin talking

Friend listening,

Partner checking,

Connect.

Weight lifting,

Freedom emerging,

…Life living…

Connect.

So, my friends, today is Bell Let’s Talk Day! What better day is there to check-in with friends and family and see how they are doing. After all, Fred Rogers did say, “The people we trust with that important talk, can help us know we are not alone.”  Let’s get talking!!

Don’t forget.  Today, Bell will donate towards mental health initiatives in Canada by contributing 5¢ for every applicable text, call, tweet, social media video view and use of our Facebook frame or Snapchat filter. Don’t forget to hashtag #BellLetsTalk.